mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
They have beer where we have blood.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
