Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
