I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
