Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
