but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
