I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
