If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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