My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I AM VODKA MAN
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
