I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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