I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
