somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The air was thick with penises
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
