3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
