Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
