when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
