new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
