I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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