Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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