Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
