I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
