I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize