i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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