She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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