I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
