I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
