So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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