hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
