he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize