In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
