I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
