Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize