I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
