Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Holy shit dude........stairs
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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