I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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