Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
