i think my mom watched the whole time
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
