theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
