We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
