Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
