I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
