and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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