i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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