Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
