Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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