What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
