i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize