It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
