ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
