Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize