theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
