You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
