He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
