There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All I want is dick and wine.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize