Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
