Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
