All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize