I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
