I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
