Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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