i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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