this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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