I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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