How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
