Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
