This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
