Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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