can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so that wasnt chicken after all
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
