Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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