Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We need to get me chipped asap
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
