Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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