i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
