Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
