It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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