Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
