All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
