I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
