I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
