no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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