3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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