it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
